《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 投稿:贾譐譑

《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 本文章下载于Txt66.com 目 录 ⊙出门在外 第一次与最后一次 第一次坐飞机 钉子还是苍蝇? 其余的事由我负责 热与冷 士兵的高招 新发现 一个坏印象 ⊙工作插曲 安眠药 创造性 催单 模仿鸟儿 你是怎样来的? 三…

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《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照

本文章下载于Txt66.com






目  录


⊙出门在外
第一次与最后一次
第一次坐飞机
钉子还是苍蝇?
其余的事由我负责
热与冷
士兵的高招
新发现
一个坏印象
⊙工作插曲
安眠药
创造性
催单
模仿鸟儿
你是怎样来的?
三个外科医生
一面之辞
走私犯
⊙购物传奇
采购过早
翅 膀
零钱不用找了
三声口哨
太有礼貌
优缺点
照相机
中间战术
⊙军旅趣话
大制服
快速反应
视力训练
速度限制
西点军校
真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远
正是士兵
最好的奖赏
⊙生活空间
臭鼬
搞错了
好消息和坏消息
绝 配
耐 性
世界上最伟大的击剑手
只有一次
追星族
⊙童心快语
不用找了
缠住不放
款 待
模 仿
睡前祷告词
我很高兴
我教老师
小妹妹
幸运的母亲
一个数学问题
一切都正常
原来如此
⊙我爱我家
百万富翁
迪斯尼之族
家规
老夫妻吵架
孪生龙虾
势均力敌
同样的服务
我还不认识她呢
⊙校园喜剧
班和笨驴
抄 袭
美 德
区 别
数学没及格
业余工作
钥匙还是接吻
自己做好准备

My First and My Last
First Flight
A Nail Or A Fly?
I'll See to the Rest
Chaude and Cold
A Soldier's Brilliant Idea
New Discovery
A Bad Impression

Sleeping Pills
Creative
Reminder
Imitate Birds
How Did You Ever Get Here
Three Surgeons
One Side of the Case
A Smugglar

Early Shopper
Wings
Keep the Change
Three Whistles
Too Polite
Good Points and Bad Points
Camera
Midway Tactics

Large Uniforms
Quick Reaction
Visual Training
Speed Limit
West Point
I Didn't Know That I Was So Far Back Already!
None Other Than a Soldier
Best Reward

Skunk
A Mistake
Good News And Bad News
Perfect Match
Patience
The World's Greatest Swordsman
Only Once
Starstruck

Keep the Change
Persistance
Treat
Imitation
Bedtime Prayers
I'm Glad
I Taught the Teacher
A Baby Sister
Lucky Mother
A Problem in Arithmetic
Things Have Been Okay
That's Why

Millionaire
A Trip to Disney
A Family Rule
An Old Couple's Quarrel
Twin Lobsters
A Fine Match
The Same Service
I Don't Know Her

Class and Ass
Plagiarism
Virtue
Difference
Flunking Math
Part-time Job
Keys? Kiss?
Prepare Yourself

第一次与最后一次


  乔治35岁时买了架小型飞机,并开始学习驾驶。不久,他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。

  乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天,乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想,“我乘大客机飞行过好几次,还从来没有乘过小飞机,我不妨
试一试。”

  升空后,乔治飞了有半个小时,在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。

  后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说:“乔治,非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。”

  乔治非常吃惊地问:“两次飞行?”

  “是的,我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。



My First and My Last


When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.

George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, 是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂,瓶子掉下来摔碎了,酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后,对他深表同情,决定帮他个忙。

  于是,第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时,她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。

  这里,老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看,苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近,使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫,好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是,可怜的老头正坐在地板上,牙关紧咬,右手滴血不止。



A Nail Or A Fly?


An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.

So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.

Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!


其余的事由我负责


  一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动,这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边,跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。

  “快点,小姐!”他喊道:“请把门关上。”

  “噢,我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。

  “请把门关上好了,”列车员说:“其余的事由我负责。”



I'll See to the Rest


A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.

。”



Chaude and Cold


A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. 数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上,有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿,门开了,电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

  乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛,慢吞吞地说:“我应该把我的老婆带来!”



New Discovery


A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, 就往家里走。”



How Did You Ever Get Here


One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. 人回答。

  哨兵不相信,对那些袋子又进行了检查,结果发现,除了土以外,仍旧一无所获。

  同样的事情每周重演一次,一共持续了六个月。最后,哨兵被弄得灰心丧气,干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。有天夜里,那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧,下车喝酒。那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说,“我说,老兄,你要是能帮我一个忙,今晚的酒就归我请客。你能不能告诉我,那段时间你到底在走私什么东西?”

  那人俯身过来,凑近侍者的耳朵,裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说:“汽车。”



A Smugglar


The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.

s working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the doors, aa quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, oo polite.

Large Uniforms


During our first three days at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, we were herded from place to place for haircuts, shots and uniforms. Back in our barracks, the drill instructor told us to put on our uniforms and fall out in front of the building. Some of the uniforms, however, were extremely large. As we filed outside, the sergeant stood by the door with his assistant. 甚严重的车祸,美国空军司令员决定将车速限制在每小时三英里。

  新的车速限制公布后不久,一名骑警中士因一名吉普车司机开车时速达五英里而给他开了一张超速传票。

  我很想知道骑警是怎样如此精确地知道那辆吉普车的速度的。“我遛达着要在邮局关门之前到达那里,”他解释道:“当我超过吉普车时,我注意到计速器指向了每小时五英里。”



Speed Limit


The British RAF base where I was stationed as part of a contingent of USAF personnel had one narrow road winding through the crowded residential area. After a rash of minor vehicle pedestrian accidents, the USAF commander decided to reduce the speed limit to three m.p.h.

Shortly after the new limit was posted, an MP sergeant issued a speeding citation to a jeep driver for going five m.p.h. I was curious to know how the MP had determined the jeep's speed so exactly. rst World War. Guns were firing, and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere. After an hour of this, one of the soldier decided that the fighting was getting too dangerous for him, so he left the front line and began to go away from the battle. After he had walked for an hour, he saw an officer coming towards him. The officer stopped him and said, ement,



Perfect Match


A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.

Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.

Years later, he retires and truns the business over to his son. the lion's mouth?话亭打电话。当我回来时,却发现他不知道到哪儿去了。

  警车很快来了。一名警察问我小孩在哪里。我感觉自己傻极了,说自己弄丢了一个迷路的小孩,该多丢人啊!但我还是告诉了警察们所发生的一切,并描述了一下小孩的长相。“你请他吃了什么?”一名警察问。

  “一个冰淇淋蛋筒。怎么啦?”

  “因为,”那名警察说,“那个小孩住的地方离这儿只隔几个街区。而你大概是新警察中帮他买东西吃的第五个傻瓜蛋!”



Treat


As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was assigned a beat on the boardwalk. Hardly a day went by when I didn't come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.

One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost. I tried to gain his confidence - I took him to the nearest ice-cream stand and bought him a cone. Time passed with no sign of the boy's parents, so the next step was to call for a patrol car to take him to headquarters. I told the small fry to stay put while I went to the call box. When I returned, he was nowhere in sight.

Within minutes, the car arrived, and one of the patrolmen asked me where the child was. I felt stupid; it's humiliating to say you've lost a lost child. But I told the officers what had happened and gave a description of the boy. interrupted and said. A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.

Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said,
  一对年轻夫妇有个儿子,已经四岁了,还没有开品说话,他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治,但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时,那孩子突然开口了:“妈妈,面包烤焦了。”

  “你说话了!你说话了!”他母亲叫了起来。“我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢?”

  “哦,在这之前,”那男孩说,“一切都很正常。”



Things Have Been Okay


A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, 在它的各种奇观之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之后,我们要回家了。

  当我们驱车离开时,儿子挥手说:“再见,美奇。”

女儿挥着手说,“再见,美妮。”

  丈夫也有气无力地挥了挥手,说道:“再见,美元。”



A Trip to Disney


On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I adn our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.

As we drove away, our son waved and said, ,married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor.

她低声说道:“坚持不懈是一种美德。”



Virtue


Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.

When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. talk to some good-looking girls.

《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 本文章下载于Txt66.com 目 录 ⊙出门在外 第一次与最后一次 第一次坐飞机 钉子还是苍蝇? 其余的事由我负责 热与冷 士兵的高招 新发现 一个坏印象 ⊙工作插曲 安眠药 创造性 催单 模仿鸟儿 你是怎样来的? 三…

《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 本文章下载于Txt66.com 目 录 ⊙出门在外 第一次与最后一次 第一次坐飞机 钉子还是苍蝇? 其余的事由我负责 热与冷 士兵的高招 新发现 一个坏印象 ⊙工作插曲 安眠药 创造性 催单 模仿鸟儿 你是怎样来的? 三…

《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 本文章下载于Txt66.com 目 录 ⊙出门在外 第一次与最后一次 第一次坐飞机 钉子还是苍蝇? 其余的事由我负责 热与冷 士兵的高招 新发现 一个坏印象 ⊙工作插曲 安眠药 创造性 催单 模仿鸟儿 你是怎样来的? 三…

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