初中幽默故事 投稿:顾懾懿

幽默故事集锦He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.Tommy: That's too bad. How d…

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幽默故事集锦

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,

mother.

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked,

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the

cheese into his mouth and then said:

I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the

combination . At last he succeeded.

'Why are you so nervous?' I asked him.

'The numbers are the date of our anniversary.' my usband confessed.

Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?

Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.

One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.'

My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?'

Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.

'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.' 'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

Nest and Hair

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

A Woman Who Fell

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump,

middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said,

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake.

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering.

my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.

Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said,

Advice for

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,

Which woman?

One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.

My husband looked up and said,

The doctor lives downstairs

He surveyed her from head to foot.

One Engine Left

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker,

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again,

At this point, one passenger became furious.

Logic Reasoning

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?

A girl raised her hand and asked,

savings?

Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

This story is told of a browbeating counsel,who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent„s witnesses.

One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.

“I want„yes‟or„no,‟”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”

“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by„yes‟or„no,‟”mildly responded the witness.

“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.

“Oh,” said the witness,“answer this then:“Have you ceased beating your wife?”

幽默故事集锦He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.Tommy: That's too bad. How d…

幽默故事集锦He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.Tommy: That's too bad. How d…

幽默故事集锦He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.Tommy: That's too bad. How d…

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