《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 投稿:何彡形

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《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照
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目  录


⊙出门在外
第一次与最后一次
第一次坐飞机
钉子还是苍蝇?
其余的事由我负责
热与冷
士兵的高招
新发现
一个坏印象
⊙工作插曲
安眠药
创造性
催单
模仿鸟儿
你是怎样来的?
三个外科医生
一面之辞
走私犯
⊙购物传奇
采购过早
翅 膀
零钱不用找了
三声口哨
太有礼貌
优缺点
照相机
中间战术
⊙军旅趣话
大制服
快速反应
视力训练
速度限制
西点军校
真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远
正是士兵
最好的奖赏
⊙生活空间
臭鼬
搞错了
好消息和坏消息
绝 配
耐 性
世界上最伟大的击剑手
只有一次
追星族
⊙童心快语
不用找了
缠住不放
款 待
模 仿
睡前祷告词
我很高兴
我教老师
小妹妹
幸运的母亲
一个数学问题
一切都正常
原来如此
⊙我爱我家
百万富翁
迪斯尼之族
家规
老夫妻吵架
孪生龙虾
势均力敌
同样的服务
我还不认识她呢
⊙校园喜剧
班和笨驴
抄 袭
美 德
区 别
数学没及格
业余工作
钥匙还是接吻
自己做好准备

My First and My Last
First Flight
A Nail Or A Fly?
I'll See to the Rest
Chaude and Cold
A Soldier's Brilliant Idea
New Discovery
A Bad Impression

Sleeping Pills
Creative
Reminder
Imitate Birds
How Did You Ever Get Here
Three Surgeons
One Side of the Case
A Smugglar

Early Shopper
Wings
Keep the Change
Three Whistles
Too Polite
Good Points and Bad Points
Camera
Midway Tactics

Large Uniforms
Quick Reaction
Visual Training
Speed Limit
West Point
I Didn't Know That I Was So Far Back Already!
None Other Than a Soldier
Best Reward

Skunk
A Mistake
Good News And Bad News
Perfect Match
Patience
The World's Greatest Swordsman
Only Once
Starstruck

Keep the Change
Persistance
Treat
Imitation
Bedtime Prayers
I'm Glad
I Taught the Teacher
A Baby Sister
Lucky Mother
A Problem in Arithmetic
Things Have Been Okay
That's Why

Millionaire
A Trip to Disney
A Family Rule
An Old Couple's Quarrel
Twin Lobsters
A Fine Match
The Same Service
I Don't Know Her

Cla
ss and Ass
Plagiarism
Virtue
Difference
Flunking Math
Part-time Job
Keys? Kiss?
Prepare Yourself

第一次与最后一次


  乔治35岁时买了架小型飞机,并开始学习驾驶。不久,他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。

  乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天,乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想,“我乘大客机飞行过好几次,还从来没有乘过小飞机,我不妨试一试。”

  升空后,乔治飞了有半个小时,在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。

  后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说:“乔治,非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。”

  乔治非常吃惊地问:“两次飞行?”

  “是的,我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。



My First and My Last


When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.

George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, nd the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, 特利尔自助餐厅的一位顾客拧开盥洗室的龙头,结果被水烫伤了。“这太可恶了,”他抱怨道,“标着C的龙头流出的是开水。”

  “可是,先生,C代表Chaude-法语里代表‘热’。如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得知道这一点。”

  “等等,”那位顾客咆哮一声,“另外一个龙头同样标的是C。”

  “当然,”经理说道:“它代表冷。毕竟,蒙特利尔是个双语城市。”



Chaude and Cold


A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeeded in having the company of the girl during the whole trip.


新发现


  一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼,看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上,有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿,门开了,电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

  乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛,慢吞吞地说:“我应该把我的老婆带来!”



New Discovery


A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, 办公室,遛达进去,对老板说:“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”

  “好啊!”老板吼道,“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?”



Sleeping Pills


Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: er, 。

  “里面装的是什么?”他问道。

  “土。”司机回答。

  “把袋子拿出来”,哨兵命令道:“我要检查。”

  那人顺从地把口袋搬了出来。确实,口袋里除了土以外,别无他特。哨兵很不情愿地让他通过了。

  一周后,那人又来了,哨兵再次检查汽车上的行李箱。

  “这次袋子里装的是什么?”他问道。

  “土,又运了一些土。”那人回答。

  哨兵不相信,对那些袋子又进行了检查,结果发现,除了土以外,仍旧一无所获。

  同样的事情每周重演一次,一共持续了六个月。最后,哨兵被弄得灰心丧气,干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。有天夜里,那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧,下车喝酒。那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说,“我说,老兄,你要是能帮我一个忙,今晚的酒就归我请客。你能不能告诉我,那段时间你到底在走私什么东西?”

  那人俯身过来,凑近侍者的耳朵,裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说:“汽车。”



A Smugglar


The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.

doing this shopping?着微笑,沉着地回答道:“也许是因为我们太有礼貌了。”



Too Polite


A woman who frequented a small antique shop rarely purchase anything, but always found fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk took the woman's grumpy complaints in stride, but one day she went too far. at simply stated, digging party in a distant field. The party was so far away that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly the recruit replied:

了一个小时后,他看见一个军官朝他走过来。军官拦住他,问道:“你到哪儿去?”

  “长官,我正尽力躲开身后正在进行的战斗。”士兵回答说。

  “你知道我是谁吗?”军官生气地说:“我是你们的指挥官。”

  士兵听了十分惊讶地说:“天哪,真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远!”



I Didn't Know That I Was So Far Back Already!


A big battle was going on during the First World War. Guns were firing, and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere. After an hour of this, one of the soldier decided that the fighting was getting too dangerous for him, so he left the front line and began to go away from the battle. After he had walked for an hour, he saw an officer coming towards him. The officer stopped him and said, 一只臭鼬,”打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。“我们怎样才能把它弄出来?”

  “弄一些面包屑,”调度员说,“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门打开。”

  一段时间后,那位居民又将电话打了回来。“你们将它弄出来了吗?”调度员问。

  “没有,”打电话的人答道,“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。”



Skunk


样的颜色。几名油漆匠试图调出这个底色,但是谁也没有能令那位怪癖的妇女满意。

  最后来了位油漆匠。他非常自信能调出那种颜色。那妇女对他的成果非常满意,油漆匠于是一举成名。

  多年以后,他退休了,生意也交给儿子。“爸,”儿子说,“有件事我得弄清楚,您是怎样使墙的颜色与花瓶配得那么绝的?”

  “儿子,”父亲回答说,“我漆了花瓶。”



Perfect Match


A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.

Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.

Years later, he retires and truns the business over to his son. 驯狮新手正在接受采访。“我知道你的父亲也是个驯狮手,”记者说。

  “他过去是。”那人回答说。

  “你真的把头伸进过狮子的嘴里吗?”

  “只有一次,”那位驯狮新手说,“为了找我爸爸。”



Only Once


A novice lion tamer was being interviewed.  我是新泽西州大西洋城警察局的一名新警察。我被指派巡逻一条海滨的路线,几乎每天都能碰上与父母走散的孩子。

  一天下午,我发现一个小孩独自站在那里,显然是迷了路。我先是设法取得他的信任-我带他到附近的冰淇淋摊给他买了一个蛋筒。过了很长时间,也没看见他父母的影子,所以我就准备打电话叫辆巡逻车将他送回总部去。我告诉他站在那里别动,我去电话亭打电话。当我回来时,却发现他不知道到哪儿去了。

  警车很快来了。一名警察问我小孩在哪里。我感觉自己傻极了,说自己弄丢了一个迷路的小孩,该多丢人啊!但我还是告诉了警察们所发生的一切,并描述了一下小孩的长相。“你请他吃了什么?”一名警察问。

  “一个冰淇淋蛋筒。怎么啦?”

  “因为,”那名警察说,“那个小孩住的地方离这儿只隔几个街区。而你大概是新警察中帮他买东西吃的第五个傻瓜蛋!”



Treat


As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was assigned a beat on the boardwalk. Hardly a day went by when I didn't come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.

One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost. I tried to gain his confidence - I took him to the nearest ice-cream stand and bought him a cone. Time passed with no sign of the boy's parents, so the next step was to call for a patrol car to take him to headquarters. I told the small fry to stay put while I went to the call box. When I returned, he was nowhere in sight.

Within minutes, the car arrived, and one of the patrolmen asked me where the child was. I felt stupid; it's humiliating to say you've lost a lost child. But I told the officers what had happened and gave a description of the boy.  朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“上帝,求求你,”她说,“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”

  妈妈打断她的话说:“朱莉叶,为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢?”

  朱莉叶回答道:“因为我在地理考卷上是这样写的。”



Bedtime Prayers


Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. 她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油,但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。

  母亲看了女儿几秒钟,随即说道,“露茜,当我象你一样小的时候,总是吃面包加黄油,或者面包加果酱,从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。”

  露茜看了母亲一会儿,眼中露出怜悯的神情,然后她柔声说:“您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗?”



Lucky Mother


A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.

Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you.on't reach very high.去告你。”

  “愿意奉陪。”另一个说。

  “我要到最高法院去告你。”

  “我也陪你。”

  “我还要到地狱去告你。”

  “我的代理人会奉陪的。”对方平静的说。



An Old Couple's Quarrel


A couple of codgers got into a quarrel and came before the local magistrate. The loser, turning to his opponent in a combative frame of mind, cried: e cheese!


同样的服务


  有位结婚十年的男人,正向婚姻顾问请教。

  “新婚时我非常幸福。在市区的商店里累了一天,回到家里,小狗围着我又跑又叫,妻子忙给我拿来拖鞋。现在一切都变了。小狗给我叼来拖鞋,妻子对我又喊又叫。”

  “我不知道你有什么可抱怨的,”顾问说,“你得到的服务还是同样的嘛。”



The Same Service


A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor.

in red was: ?”我问。

  “好极了,爸爸。”他答道,“我跟许多漂亮的女孩子讲了话。”

  由于斯蒂芬不善言谈,我问道:“你跟他们说了些什么?”

  “你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装?”



Part-time Job


When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.

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《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 ******************************************************************************** 【txt8小说免费下载吧 www.txt8.cn收集整理!…

《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 ******************************************************************************** 【txt8小说免费下载吧 www.txt8.cn收集整理!…

《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 ******************************************************************************** 【txt8小说免费下载吧 www.txt8.cn收集整理!…

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