《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 投稿:徐柲柳

《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 ******************************************************************************** 更多小说请点击【126免费小说】www.126es.com…

十都镇中学学雷锋月活动方案一、活动目的:1、弘扬雷锋乐于助人的精神,发扬尊老的传统美德。2、锻炼学生的劳动能力,彰显学生个性。3、美化校园环境,培养学生绿色环保意识。二、活动安排:(一) 弘扬雷锋精神,宣讲雷锋故事1、各班在3月12之前出一期以弘扬雷…

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《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照
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目  录


⊙出门在外
第一次与最后一次
第一次坐飞机
钉子还是苍蝇?
其余的事由我负责
热与冷
士兵的高招
新发现
一个坏印象
⊙工作插曲
安眠药
创造性
催单
模仿鸟儿
你是怎样来的?
三个外科医生
一面之辞
走私犯
⊙购物传奇
采购过早
翅 膀
零钱不用找了
三声口哨
太有礼貌
优缺点
照相机
中间战术
⊙军旅趣话
大制服
快速反应
视力训练
速度限制
西点军校
真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远
正是士兵
最好的奖赏
⊙生活空间
臭鼬
搞错了
好消息和坏消息
绝 配
耐 性
世界上最伟大的击剑手
只有一次
追星族
⊙童心快语
不用找了
缠住不放
款 待
模 仿
睡前祷告词
我很高兴
我教老师
小妹妹
幸运的母亲
一个数学问题
一切都正常
原来如此
⊙我爱我家
百万富翁
迪斯尼之族
家规
老夫妻吵架
孪生龙虾
势均力敌
同样的服务
我还不认识她呢
⊙校园喜剧
班和笨驴
抄 袭
美 德
区 别
数学没及格
业余工作
钥匙还是接吻
自己做好准备

My First and My Last
First Flight
A Nail Or A Fly?
I'll See to the Rest
Chaude and Cold
A Soldier's Brilliant Idea
New Discovery
A Bad Impression

Sleeping Pills
Creative
Reminder
Imitate Birds
How Did You Ever Get Here
Three Surgeons
One Side of the Case
A Smugglar

Early Shopper
Wings
Keep the Change
Three Whistles
Too Polite
Good Points and Bad Points
Camera
Midway Tactics

Large Uniforms
Quick Reaction
Visual Training
Speed Limit
West Point
I Didn't Know That I Was So Far Back Already!
None Other Than a Soldier
Best Reward

Skunk
A Mistake
Good News And Bad News
Perfect Match
Patience
The World's Greatest Swordsman
Only Once
Starstruck

Keep the Change
Persistance
Treat
Imitation
Bedtime Prayers
I'm Glad
I Taught the Teacher
A Baby Sister
Lucky Mother
A Problem in Arithmetic
Things Have Been Okay
That's Why

Millionaire
A Trip to Disney
A Family Rule
An Old Couple's Quarrel
Twin Lobsters
A Fine Match
The Same Service
I Don't Know Her

Class and Ass
Plagiarism
Virtue
Difference
Flunking Math
Part-time Job
Keys? Kiss?
Prepare Yourself

第一次与最后一次


  乔治35岁时买了
架小型飞机,并开始学习驾驶。不久,他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。

  乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天,乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想,“我乘大客机飞行过好几次,还从来没有乘过小飞机,我不妨试一试。”

  升空后,乔治飞了有半个小时,在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。

  后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说:“乔治,非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。”

  乔治非常吃惊地问:“两次飞行?”

  “是的,我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。



My First and My Last


When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.

George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, ok at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?可是,先生,C代表Chaude-法语里代表‘热’。如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得知道这一点。”

  “等等,”那位顾客咆哮一声,“另外一个龙头同样标的是C。”

  “当然,”经理说道:“它代表冷。毕竟,蒙特利尔是个双语城市。”



Chaude and Cold


A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. nto the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.


新发现


  一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼,看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上,有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿,门开了,电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

  乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛,慢吞吞地说:“我应该把我的老婆带来!”



New Discovery


A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled,



Sleeping Pills


Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: 一个冬天的早晨,一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才起来上班。“外面太滑了,我每向前迈一步,就要向后退两步。”

  老板狐疑地看着他。“噢,是吗?那你是怎样到这里来的?”

  “后来我决定放弃,”他说,“然后我就往家里走。”



How Did You Ever Get Here


One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. 那人顺从地把口袋搬了出来。确实,口袋里除了土以外,别无他特。哨兵很不情愿地让他通过了。

  一周后,那人又来了,哨兵再次检查汽车上的行李箱。

  “这次袋子里装的是什么?”他问道。

  “土,又运了一些土。”那人回答。

  哨兵不相信,对那些袋子又进行了检查,结果发现,除了土以外,仍旧一无所获。

  同样的事情每周重演一次,一共持续了六个月。最后,哨兵被弄得灰心丧气,干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。有天夜里,那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧,下车喝酒。那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说,“我说,老兄,你要是能帮我一个忙,今晚的酒就归我请客。你能不能告诉我,那段时间你到底在走私什么东西?”

  那人俯身过来,凑近侍者的耳朵,裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说:“汽车。”



A Smugglar


The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.

结果除了(又鸟)翅外所有的东西都卖完了。当我正准备锁门时,一名喝醉了的旅客进来要进餐。我问他翅膀行不行,他从柜台上靠过身子来,回答道:“女士,我到这儿来是吃东西的,不是要飞!”


Wings


The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the doors, aa quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, ways found fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk took the woman's grumpy complaints in stride, but one day she went too far. 领制服。回到营房之后,训练指导员让我们穿上制服,在营房前原地解散。但是,我些制服特别大。我们列队的时候,中士和他的副手就站在门边。“我们得将一些人弄回去重新量一下,”他说,“最后那个人走了两步,他的制服才动。”


Large Uniforms


During our first three days at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, we were herded from place to place for haircuts, shots and uniforms. Back in our barracks, the drill instructor told us to put on our uniforms and fall out in front of the building. Some of the uniforms, however, were extremely large. As we filed outside, the sergeant stood by the door with his assistant. ht; but how do you know there's a sergeant there?”士兵回答说。

  “你知道我是谁吗?”军官生气地说:“我是你们的指挥官。”

  士兵听了十分惊讶地说:“天哪,真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远!”



I Didn't Know That I Was So Far Back Already!


A big battle was going on during the First World War. Guns were firing, and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere. After an hour of this, one of the soldier decided that the fighting was getting too dangerous for him, so he left the front line and began to go away from the battle. After he had walked for an hour, he saw an officer coming towards him. The officer stopped him and said, 一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门打开。”

  一段时间后,那位居民又将电话打了回来。“你们将它弄出来了吗?”调度员问。

  “没有,”打电话的人答道,“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。”



Skunk


色。那妇女对他的成果非常满意,油漆匠于是一举成名。

  多年以后,他退休了,生意也交给儿子。“爸,”儿子说,“有件事我得弄清楚,您是怎样使墙的颜色与花瓶配得那么绝的?”

  “儿子,”父亲回答说,“我漆了花瓶。”



Perfect Match


A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.

Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.

Years later, he retires and truns the business over to his son. 子的嘴里吗?”

  “只有一次,”那位驯狮新手说,“为了找我爸爸。”



Only Once


A novice lion tamer was being interviewed. 我发现一个小孩独自站在那里,显然是迷了路。我先是设法取得他的信任-我带他到附近的冰淇淋摊给他买了一个蛋筒。过了很长时间,也没看见他父母的影子,所以我就准备打电话叫辆巡逻车将他送回总部去。我告诉他站在那里别动,我去电话亭打电话。当我回来时,却发现他不知道到哪儿去了。

  警车很快来了。一名警察问我小孩在哪里。我感觉自己傻极了,说自己弄丢了一个迷路的小孩,该多丢人啊!但我还是告诉了警察们所发生的一切,并描述了一下小孩的长相。“你请他吃了什么?”一名警察问。

  “一个冰淇淋蛋筒。怎么啦?”

  “因为,”那名警察说,“那个小孩住的地方离这儿只隔几个街区。而你大概是新警察中帮他买东西吃的第五个傻瓜蛋!”



Treat


As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was assigned a beat on the boardwalk. Hardly a day went by when I didn't come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.

One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost. I tried to gain his confidence - I took him to the nearest ice-cream stand and bought him a cone. Time passed with no sign of the boy's parents, so the next step was to call for a patrol car to take him to headquarters. I told the small fry to stay put while I went to the call box. When I returned, he was nowhere in sight.

Within minutes, the car arrived, and one of the patrolmen asked me where the child was. I felt stupid; it's humiliating to say you've lost a lost child. But I told the officers what had happened and gave a description of the boy. 求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢?”

  朱莉叶回答道:“因为我在地理考卷上是这样写的。”



Bedtime Prayers


Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. 我象你一样小的时候,总是吃面包加黄油,或者面包加果酱,从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。”

  露茜看了母亲一会儿,眼中露出怜悯的神情,然后她柔声说:“您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗?”



Lucky Mother


A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.

Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, le is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you.。



Millionaire


CEO: 你。”

  “我的代理人会奉陪的。”对方平静的说。



An Old Couple's Quarrel


A couple of codgers got into a quarrel and came before the local magistrate. The loser, turning to his opponent in a combative frame of mind, cried: 到家里,小狗围着我又跑又叫,妻子忙给我拿来拖鞋。现在一切都变了。小狗给我叼来拖鞋,妻子对我又喊又叫。”

  “我不知道你有什么可抱怨的,”顾问说,“你得到的服务还是同样的嘛。”



The Same Service


A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor.

里很拥挤,有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起,20年来电梯一直没有换过。

  最后当电梯门打开时,我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下,回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的,亲爱的,”她低声说道:“坚持不懈是一种美德。”



Virtue


Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.

When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. 说了些什么?”

  “你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装?”



Part-time Job


When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.

《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 ******************************************************************************** 更多小说请点击【126免费小说】www.126es.com…

《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 ******************************************************************************** 更多小说请点击【126免费小说】www.126es.com…

《经典幽默故事》-中英文对照 ******************************************************************************** 更多小说请点击【126免费小说】www.126es.com…

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